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Pigging Out On New Year's Eve !

     Pigs! Pigs! Pigs! I kept finding then everywhere while doing a little research on Victorian New Year's cards. There would be a chubby child with a pig on a leash watching a clock as the hands near midnight. A virginal young lady with ruddy cheeks would be on a swing, one foot dangling daintily, and on the ground two smiling pigs. 
    We don't often think of pigs as cute or adorable and many of our pig-images are not flattering:eating like a pig, pig sty and so on. There are also  dietary laws regarding eating pork in Judaism and Islam. But in Germany ,many years ago, the pig was a good luck charm and  were often found in cakes, cookies, and candies. England, Belgium, and other countries thought pigs brought good luck too and included their pork presence on birthday cards as well. In ancient times, I learned, pigs were thought of as fertility symbols as they could produce several litters a year and they are hardy creatures. 
    This is all very appropriate as 2007 is the Year Of The Pig! If someone you know is having a baby in 2007, tell them those born in a Pig Year are strong, chivalrous, and gallant. They are quiet, studious, and loyal and can never be accused of being a "boor."  I think I will make a New Year's resolution to eat less pork this year!  This doesn't mean much--my resolutions hardly make it past Epiphany.   
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How Cold Was It ?

     "An open winter means a full cemetery,"  the old-timers used to say. This meant, of course, that an open winter with little snow and cold brought lots of sickness. Last winter was mild and this coming winter seems to be headed the same way. Should I subscribe to the Gore gospel. I don't think so. To me, weather goes in cycles. Two mild winters give way to a few hard winters. Those ancient winter weather predictors probably don't mean much. Remember the tale of the wooly worm and its brown stripe? The wider the brown band, the milder the winter and it's a cold winter if the worm moves slowly. What if it's just a lazy worm?  If the new moon comes close to Christmas, that means a cold winter. This year it's December 20, so, look out!  Hornets, supposedly, build their nests low before a cold winter and high before a mild winter. I've heard that one reversed. At the vets, the other day, I noticed six wasp  nests built in one corner of the second story. Do they know something hornets don't? Wasps are very smart. One spring, wasps built a nest very low near the foundation of my house. I noticed two blades of grass growing taller, soon to block the entrance to the nest. How would they solve this problem? A few weeks later, they had put a "turn" on the entrance, making it face away from the troublesome grass. I decided not to cut the offending grass because they had solved a problem and to the young wasps, it was a learning experience. Besides, wasps have self-esteem too. 
  When I was a kid, I heard an old guy say that the snowbanks were so high, the snow fleas were wearing parachutes. Then there was the story about the old Indian who accurately predicted Maine winters for over fifty years. No one knew how he did it. Finally, on his deathbed, his relatives gathered around hoping he would leave them his great secret. "How do you predict winter weather?" a brave brave asked. The ancient man raised himself to his elbows and, in a soft voice, said, " I go by the size of the white man's woodpile."  I guess that's as good an indicator as any.
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Pearl Harbor

Where are the heroes of today? The young man wants to know.
They are here, I say, looking for fame and their own TV show.
Then I remember that down the lane and across the street
Is an old nursing home where the heroes' heart beats.
Some where there when the enemy came from a soft Sunday sky
Spewing their bloody destruction, thinking we couldn't reply.
It was December  7,1941 when the sons of the rising sun
Started a war they should never have begun.
Losses were terrible and over 2,000 men would never return
It taught us a lesson we should never have to relearn.
We were down for the count, our spirits bleak, the color of clay.
But six months later they had to say "Uncle" at a place called Midway.
Uncle Sam would fight other battles until the enemy chocked in his dust
While we paid homage to freedom and prayed, "In God We Trust."
I now remember we have a new generation of heroes true
Who are proud to fight for their colors:Red, White, and Blue.
While politicians cringe, quake, and look for any way out,
They put our "leaders" to shame with their cowardly doubt.
The Spirit of Pearl Harbor is with us today.
We can never forget the price some had to pay.
So, we remember Pearl Harbor. How can we forget?
Those who served and now serve we are forever in debt.
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A Mother Like No Other

Britney Spears is in the news again
And once more taking it on the chinny chin chin.
She's left her husband who was a bird.
Cupid called him silly and very absurd.
But Britney is loyal, loving, and true,
Of drinking and partying, she is long overdue.
So, she leaves her kids 24-hours-a-day.
Mothers staying at home is such cliche.
When she is at home, she plays kid games
Reads them stories and motherhood proclaims. 
But it is sad, when she's out sipping a brew,
She continues the game of peek-a-boo!


You are invited to check out my cartoon site at
http://thescribblerspen.blogspot.com
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Touching The Ghost Of Christmas Past

 Occasionally , I do oral presentations before library, museum, and retirement groups. My program includes selections from the works of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Robert Frost, and at this time of the year--A Victorian Christmas. I highlight the years of Queen Victoria's rule and do readings that were popular in her day. I also throw in a few other Christmas poems and stories that the audience will remember from a later period. They nod approvingly at the readings of Charles Dickens and John Greenleaf Whittier. Many are startled when I give them that old sentimental favorite, The Little Match Girl. Most have not heard that since they were children fifty or more years ago. At my reading last night, at a retirement home,  I was surprised at the number who had grown up in other parts of the country. I talked to a lady from Virginia, a couple from Texas, and a retired gentleman from California. Their eyes held a misty joy when they thanked me. I knew it wasn't my presence or delivery or voice that had moved them. I was conjuring up the ghost of a Christmas remembered from long ago. It might have been a bleak Christmas from the Depression or one spent in a foxhole during World War II. But for a few moments the loved ones who had made Christmas possible those many years ago were with them . The feelings, the spirit of what Christmas was and is, rang as true and clear as a church bell on a frosty Sunday morning. But morning was over and it was now eventide and they remembered and their expressions spoke of the eternal truth of what Christmas is all about. Were their Christmases truer, better than ours? I doubt it. But Christmas for all generations, for all times ,will always convey the same unique message of love and peace and hope. If it didn't, it wouldn't be Christmas. So, as Tiny Tim would say, "God bless us everyone!"
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He's Baaccckk!!!!

Just in time for Christmas for those who would love to live in France is Jimmy Carter's new book:Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. In the book, Jimmy basically says Israel is practicing apartheid in dealing with the Palestinians. This, of course, has to do with the occupation of the West Bank. Of course there is no mention of the fact that Barak offered Arafat over 90% of the land but Arafat wanted more--100% of Israel! So, Jimmy is finally out there where we knew he was: opposed to Israel and democracy in the Middle East. One could spend hours tracking down all the agreements and treaties broken by Arafat and his pals but that would have no affect on Carter.
Jimmy has spent his time since leaving office trying to prove we did him wrong by voting him out. Remember how pouty Rosalyn was when she went out the door? Jimmy's arrogance has caused him to foist himself on the international stage in a vainglorious attempt to prove himself as the prime peacemaker of our time. He is the Lone Ranger with wooden bullets. Of course he did prove his courage in the "killer bunny" incident. Jimmy's way to settle the conflict between the descendants of Abraham ( Ishmael and Isaac ) is to give in to the Palestinians and make Israel the bad guy. You will never convince Jimmy he is wrong or unpopular--not even if you seat him next to Michael Moore--because of his ingrained feelings of superiority. This was demonstrated years ago when he greeted Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, with a kiss on the lips. Remember? The lady angrily responded, "No man has done that since my husband died!" What she wanted to say was, "Off with his head!"

Like political cartoons? Check out my new toon site http://thescribblerspen.blogspot.com
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Who Was Jesus?

Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time for the annual Christmas look at Jesus by the MSM. Time magazine will have a "Jesus The Man" article and Newsweek, not to be undone, will counter with something like, "Jesus: The Superman." Television will contribute the same slant on the One who many of us consider the true Son of God who came to save us from our sin because we couldn't /can"t do it. Those same "experts" will crawl out of the murky shadows to offer their theories on "Jesus: Myth or Messiah."  They will have advanced degrees, prestigious awards, and books to push. They will also share something else: A complete disbelief in who He was and what He was all about. They will all agree that He was a good man full of truth and honesty. That always struck me as kind of funny. He said he came to be the  Savior of a lost mankind. If he wasn't that, then he was a liar and full of blasphemy,not honest or truthful. Some will say he was misguided and a naive politician, not really able to play the role of a savvy Messiah. They will attempt to bring Jesus up-to-date: "What does Jesus Have To  Say to Modern Man?"  There will be a wish by some ( perhaps, on a Bill Moyers special  ) to promote a world religion; "Why can't we combine the teachings of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Budda, and others into a plan to promote peace and understanding for all of mankind?" This will also be an Oprah line.There will be no mention of the role faith played in the founding or the success of our country. The Christian and Jewish influence on America will not be mentioned.  Some will have their doubts confirmed by these "scholars " while others will be intimidated into a shaky  disbelief. Then Christmas will pass and they will return to the cozy protection of their leafy campuses, accepting the handshakes of their colleagues, anxious for the day when they return to the spotlight and brief us on "What Really Happened at Easter."
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The Turkey Said To The Farmer

Turkey:  Here you are with a new ax and that gleam in your eye.
Farmer:  Stop squawking, you knew this day was coming.
Turkey:  Did you know that President Bush pardoned a turkey?
Farmer:  That was just for show. He's having one of those giant Texas turkeys.    
            The twins love drumsticks and George wants white meat.
Turkey:  It seems you don't appreciate us. Did you know we came in second in the
            National Bird Contest?
Farmer:  You referring to Ben Franklin?
Turkey:  Yes, and we have a dance named after us and a country.
Farmer:  It's a trot, not a dance.
Turkey:  Have you considered one of those supermarket turkeys? They have a magic
            button that pops up when they're done.
Farmer:  So, you would turn in one of your brothers to save your own waddle.
Turkey:  You don't understand. Supermarket turkeys want to sacrifice themselves. 
            They're indoctrinated at a very young age to believe they will go to a perfect 
            turkey paradise where they will have 77 hens who never complain or have 
            headaches.
Farmer:  What about supermarket hens?
Turkey:  They wind up laying perfect eggs and living with Toms who hate football. But
             you better hurry up. The marked down birds sold after Thanksgiving go to a 
             different place where they have to listen to John Kerry jokes, watch Bill Moyers 
             on PBS, and take tickets at the Bill Clinton Library which is a very lonely place. 
Farmer:  That's awful!
Turkey:  Do you know Nancy Pelosi is a vegan?
Farmer:  What do you think we should do?
Turkey:  You might appeal to your wife's soft side. You could say we have dialogued and have 
             established a bond. You might add you are doing away with Thanksgiving profiling. 
Farmer:  You could run away for a few days.
Turkey:  And have to socialize with those illegal wild turkeys! I don't think so!
Farmer:  Okay, I'll try it. She's not a very good cook anyway, everything is overcooked and dry.
Turkey:  Stop! Too much information!
Farmer:  I would miss our little chats. By the way, what's a vegan?
Turkey:  I'm not sure but I think it refers to an internal struggle...someone who is turkey challenged.
Farmer:  Perfect description of Nancy Pelosi!
Turkey:  Please take the ax with you; it frightens the girls.
Farmer:  Of course!
       
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Is Rupert The Good Guy?

"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-concieved project."
Rupert goes on to apologize to the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Simpson. Does Rupert really feel the project was bad? Is he truly sorry for the families? Who is senior management but the old fox  himself?  Was he touched by the Spirit of Christmas Past and had some kind of epiphany ?
Not !!  He pulled the plug because it would not make $$$ and would be a ratings disaster! Rupert Murdoch is as much into $$$ as was Scrooge. He does dress better, I'll give him that. He had to drop the dumb idea because of the outrage it caused. It amazes me how out of touch ( oot )  the people at the top really are. Remember Ellen  DeGeneres deciding to make her show a forum for the gay issue? How could she be so oot?  Rosie O'Donnell and Jane Fonda are starting a feminist radio network. Will it succeed? Absolutely not. Why? Because there is no need for such a network! This might have been a great idea back in the sixties. And Katie Couric? This was/is such a bad idea (oot ) only network executives could come up with it. Katie will have her own talk show in another year which will be a success. And Bill Clinton making concessions to the gays when he first took office was flabbergasted at the uproar (oot ) it caused. Success seems to foster this kind of elite attitude which is coupled with great feelings of superiority and decision making is often  based on profound arrogance. This is why we are so lucky to be living in a democracy.
A democracy is the only form of government where public figures are accountable to the people. And  in this age of "anything goes",  we must be even more vigilant to protect what we have
and to be involved in some capacity in the decision making process. We must arm ourselves with information and play  a part in the democratic process at some level. Thanksgiving is in a few days. Americans should be thankful for a country  that encourages freedom and we, as citizens, must never be oot!
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Please! Not O.J. Again!

Does anyone know who is sponsoring the O.J. horror show on Fox? They should hear from all who are sick of this man's disgusting attempt to remain in the spotlight!  Fox is broadcasting the interview on Nov. 27 and Nov. 29. They are, of course, skipping Nov. 28 so the topic will be a hot water cooler subject, generating more viewers for the Nov. 29th "show." Question: Would an innocent man write such a book? I rest my case. Despite all its happy talk about fairness and values, the price of the Fox soul comes cheap. If you've got the cabbage( apparently, Fox's favorite food ) the Fox commitment to values, honesty, and justice doesn't exist. Perhaps, the skunk would be a better logo. Fox and Friends  have taken time out from promoting "their" books to plug the O.J. story this morning. What's next?  Bill's book: " If I Did Have  Sex With That Girl..."   I will not watch or read such trash. I'm usually someone who loves detective and mystery shows. I'm currently writing a series of humorous detective stories for a local paper but the line must be drawn against the stupidity of Fox and the arrogance of O.J. Simpson.
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What Lurks Behind the Niqab?

   There has been lots of flap recently in Britain  over a female teacher assistant who is a Muslim and wears the niqab, a full-faced black veil. All you can see are her eyes through a narrow slit. Are they twinkling, glowering, or sparkling? What kind of mood is she in?
The kids say she is hard to "read" and she was suspended. House of Commons Leader Jack Straw ( I love that name!) said the niqab makes community relations difficult.
  I sympathize with the kids. The whole body is needed to effectively communicate which is why we have body language experts. Kids need clues to determine mood which, in turn, determines what kind of day they will have. When I was a kid, you could tell by Mr. Tall's stomp what kind of day he was having and if Miss Darling ( we had another name for her ) wore brown--look out! There were other signs too.
Bad Mood:
1. clatter of false teeth
2. teacher wears strong perfume or shaving lotion
3. deep and frequent sighs
4. teacher wears recess whistle throughout the whole day
5. flared nostrils
6. lots of scratching
7. teacher reads travel brochures during our "busy work"
8. much "busy work"
9. teacher drinks lots of water
10.teacher takes many afternoon bathroom breaks
11. it's Monday
Good Mood:
1. teacher does lots of humming
2. little, tight smiles of understanding at the bad kids
3. teacher brings an extra apple for one of the poor kids
4. teacher gets off the subject to tell stories about when she was young
5.teacher cleans her own chalkboard
6. it's Friday
  You notice I have more bad days than good days but that's just the way it was back then or the way it seemed to be. These mood indicators were collected over many elementary school days and the research  came at the price of losing  recess privileges and the occasional ruler on the knuckles. But I did learn! With the niqab, I'm not so sure!
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To The Veterans

They called it "The War to End All Wars" but it wasn't.
You were our Yankee Doodle Boys going off
To fight in the trenches along the Somme,
To fight the Albatross and the Fokker
Over the sunny skies of France.
You won the war and made the world
Safe for Democracy
Only it wasn't.

Less than another generation later,
A new tyrant proclaimed
Another idea,
A better way to live.
It was a new enemy wearing the same
Uniform of oppression and hate.
So, you ( women too ) donned the khaki and blue
And hummed Glenn Miller tunes while
You took the enemy's number at Midway and Normandy,
And said, "Nuts!" in the cold snows of Belgium.

But there would be no long, quiet days
Of rest and relaxation for you to raise a family
and celebrate the peace your struggle had won.

Soon there would be Incheon and MiG Alley and
Heartbreak Ridge where you were given conditions,
Restrictions on how to conduct the fight.
But a nation growing weak of heart and spirit
Didn't want to be reminded of the evil in men's souls,
So they turned their face away from the battles you were fighting.

In Vietnam, you again served to check the spread of conquest
And you fell in those awful rice paddies and bled
in a place called Hamburger Hill.
The Tet Offensive caught you off guard
But you recovered and drove them back.
You won the battle but we didn't know    
Because we listened to craven man who took pictures
And spoke on television
Their betrayal as truth.
( We thought they were on your side! )
Forgive us for believing such
Traitor talk.

And now, again in the prime of life, you're off to
Fight a new enemy. One who deals in terror and bombs.
(The coward's way to fight.)
You have entered his lair and brought him to heel
And we thank you and pray we will be worthy of your sacrifice.

We say thank you and you smile but behind your eyes, we know
That you know, we don't know.
And so we go our way never knowing how the agony comes back
In dreams and you relive a time that can never really be shared.
But we do know we are free because of you.
We do know our nursing homes are filled with heroes.
We do know our thanks are sincere, not hidden in a politician's smirk.
We do know you have forever defined hero.
We do know our earnest prayers are with you always.
And
We do know you have made us proud...
Oh, so very proud.




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Overheard At The "Meet, Greet, And Eat" Cafe.

 *  Table#2 "We'll know where Osama bin Laden is when we find the cave with a Pelosi pinup."
*  Table#4 " We are in a mess! One party got what they deserved and the other doesn't have a clue on what to do!"
*  Counter Stool*6  "At least the Democrats have a heart! They're so concerned about the illegals crossing that dangerous border, they're sending Mexico 500 catapults."
* Table#7  "They got two years to show us how dumb they are---and they will!"
*  Counter Stool#5  "It was a real Thanksgiving kind of election. The Democrats are doing the turkey trot, Republicans are dancing the mash potato minuet, and Osama is celebrating with the pumpkin polka!"
*  Waitress Kay: " We got the guest worker program coming, amnesty, and a minimum wage increase. Customers are not entitled to entitlements  Next month, all breakfast specials go up a democrat dollar!"
*  Table#1 "I gotta go gather up all those campaign signs stuck in the ground. They make good kindling and it will seem like a few weeks and they'll all be back in the same hole...just like us!"
*  Waitress Molly: "Doesn't  anyone care that Britney and Kevin have split up?"
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The Scribbler's Toons

*Scene: A male servant is on the phone. In the background, Nancy Pelosi is squatting on a rug in the yogi position, channeling. There are incense candles burning, a ouija board is on the table, and behind her there are three ghostly figures. They are labeled Lenin, Timothy O' Leary, and Dr. Kinsey.
Servant: "She can't come to the phone. She's working on her 'We are ready to govern' speech."
*Scene: It's Teddy  Kennedy's mansion. We are outside and can see through a window lots of fat, balding men celebrating. There are dancing girls, party hats, and balloons. At the door, John Kerry is waiting. He holds three bottles of wine. Teresa is at his side with three bottles of ketchup.
Servant: "Hopefully, you'll be invited in...sometime...perhaps, in January 2008."
Scene: Inside a hospital where a doctor stands between two beds. A nurse looks on. In one bed is a lady and in the other, a donkey. The donkey is labeled "Democratic Party" and the lady has the name "Riva" written on her pillow in flowery letters.
Nurse: I got a heartbeat out of Riva on Monday and Tuesday was a good day for the donkey."
Note: Riva is a longtime ( about 100 years )  "soap" character on "Guiding Light" and is close to death.
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KERRY-TOONS

* Scene: Kerry is addressing a crowd. He is wearing a large cowboy hat, a buckskin jacket, and has a badge on the jacket that say "Eat Natural."
KERRY: I've already told you our soldiers are dumb but their chaplains are even dumber! The priests have flunked Latin, the preachers flunked the Book of Revelations, and the rabbis have flunked accounting!"
MAN to friend: "I guess the Don Imus outfit doesn't help much."
* Scene: Kerry is addressing a crowd. He is wearing a KKK sheet. Pies, bananas, and other globs of garbage are being hurled at him.
KERRY: "Since I'm in the South, I thought I'd dress appropriately. Have you heard the one about the escaped slave and the farmer's daughter?"
MAN to friend: "At least he's got a sheet to wipe off his reviews."
* Scene: A very nervous man is standing before St. Peter in heaven.
St. Peter "They tell me you wrote jokes for John Kerry! Well, hell is too good for you and they won't have you in purgatory. I have no choice but to sentence you to 500 years in the Henny Youngman 'Take My Wife, Please, School of Comedy Writing'"

I do apologize for all the Kerry jokes but he is such an easy target !!!

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