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He's Baaccckk!!!!

Posted by Scribbler on Tuesday, November 28, 2006 11:46:05 AM
Just in time for Christmas for those who would love to live in France is Jimmy Carter's new book:Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. In the book, Jimmy basically says Israel is practicing apartheid in dealing with the Palestinians. This, of course, has to do with the occupation of the West Bank. Of course there is no mention of the fact that Barak offered Arafat over 90% of the land but Arafat wanted more--100% of Israel! So, Jimmy is finally out there where we knew he was: opposed to Israel and democracy in the Middle East. One could spend hours tracking down all the agreements and treaties broken by Arafat and his pals but that would have no affect on Carter.
Jimmy has spent his time since leaving office trying to prove we did him wrong by voting him out. Remember how pouty Rosalyn was when she went out the door? Jimmy's arrogance has caused him to foist himself on the international stage in a vainglorious attempt to prove himself as the prime peacemaker of our time. He is the Lone Ranger with wooden bullets. Of course he did prove his courage in the "killer bunny" incident. Jimmy's way to settle the conflict between the descendants of Abraham ( Ishmael and Isaac ) is to give in to the Palestinians and make Israel the bad guy. You will never convince Jimmy he is wrong or unpopular--not even if you seat him next to Michael Moore--because of his ingrained feelings of superiority. This was demonstrated years ago when he greeted Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, with a kiss on the lips. Remember? The lady angrily responded, "No man has done that since my husband died!" What she wanted to say was, "Off with his head!"

Like political cartoons? Check out my new toon site http://thescribblerspen.blogspot.com
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Who Was Jesus?

Posted by Scribbler on Sunday, November 26, 2006 6:41:27 AM
Now that Thanksgiving is over, it's time for the annual Christmas look at Jesus by the MSM. Time magazine will have a "Jesus The Man" article and Newsweek, not to be undone, will counter with something like, "Jesus: The Superman." Television will contribute the same slant on the One who many of us consider the true Son of God who came to save us from our sin because we couldn't /can"t do it. Those same "experts" will crawl out of the murky shadows to offer their theories on "Jesus: Myth or Messiah."  They will have advanced degrees, prestigious awards, and books to push. They will also share something else: A complete disbelief in who He was and what He was all about. They will all agree that He was a good man full of truth and honesty. That always struck me as kind of funny. He said he came to be the  Savior of a lost mankind. If he wasn't that, then he was a liar and full of blasphemy,not honest or truthful. Some will say he was misguided and a naive politician, not really able to play the role of a savvy Messiah. They will attempt to bring Jesus up-to-date: "What does Jesus Have To  Say to Modern Man?"  There will be a wish by some ( perhaps, on a Bill Moyers special  ) to promote a world religion; "Why can't we combine the teachings of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Budda, and others into a plan to promote peace and understanding for all of mankind?" This will also be an Oprah line.There will be no mention of the role faith played in the founding or the success of our country. The Christian and Jewish influence on America will not be mentioned.  Some will have their doubts confirmed by these "scholars " while others will be intimidated into a shaky  disbelief. Then Christmas will pass and they will return to the cozy protection of their leafy campuses, accepting the handshakes of their colleagues, anxious for the day when they return to the spotlight and brief us on "What Really Happened at Easter."
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The Turkey Said To The Farmer

Posted by Scribbler on Wednesday, November 22, 2006 3:17:13 PM
Turkey:  Here you are with a new ax and that gleam in your eye.
Farmer:  Stop squawking, you knew this day was coming.
Turkey:  Did you know that President Bush pardoned a turkey?
Farmer:  That was just for show. He's having one of those giant Texas turkeys.    
            The twins love drumsticks and George wants white meat.
Turkey:  It seems you don't appreciate us. Did you know we came in second in the
            National Bird Contest?
Farmer:  You referring to Ben Franklin?
Turkey:  Yes, and we have a dance named after us and a country.
Farmer:  It's a trot, not a dance.
Turkey:  Have you considered one of those supermarket turkeys? They have a magic
            button that pops up when they're done.
Farmer:  So, you would turn in one of your brothers to save your own waddle.
Turkey:  You don't understand. Supermarket turkeys want to sacrifice themselves. 
            They're indoctrinated at a very young age to believe they will go to a perfect 
            turkey paradise where they will have 77 hens who never complain or have 
            headaches.
Farmer:  What about supermarket hens?
Turkey:  They wind up laying perfect eggs and living with Toms who hate football. But
             you better hurry up. The marked down birds sold after Thanksgiving go to a 
             different place where they have to listen to John Kerry jokes, watch Bill Moyers 
             on PBS, and take tickets at the Bill Clinton Library which is a very lonely place. 
Farmer:  That's awful!
Turkey:  Do you know Nancy Pelosi is a vegan?
Farmer:  What do you think we should do?
Turkey:  You might appeal to your wife's soft side. You could say we have dialogued and have 
             established a bond. You might add you are doing away with Thanksgiving profiling. 
Farmer:  You could run away for a few days.
Turkey:  And have to socialize with those illegal wild turkeys! I don't think so!
Farmer:  Okay, I'll try it. She's not a very good cook anyway, everything is overcooked and dry.
Turkey:  Stop! Too much information!
Farmer:  I would miss our little chats. By the way, what's a vegan?
Turkey:  I'm not sure but I think it refers to an internal struggle...someone who is turkey challenged.
Farmer:  Perfect description of Nancy Pelosi!
Turkey:  Please take the ax with you; it frightens the girls.
Farmer:  Of course!
       
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Is Rupert The Good Guy?

Posted by Scribbler on Tuesday, November 21, 2006 7:57:24 AM
"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-concieved project."
Rupert goes on to apologize to the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Simpson. Does Rupert really feel the project was bad? Is he truly sorry for the families? Who is senior management but the old fox  himself?  Was he touched by the Spirit of Christmas Past and had some kind of epiphany ?
Not !!  He pulled the plug because it would not make $$$ and would be a ratings disaster! Rupert Murdoch is as much into $$$ as was Scrooge. He does dress better, I'll give him that. He had to drop the dumb idea because of the outrage it caused. It amazes me how out of touch ( oot )  the people at the top really are. Remember Ellen  DeGeneres deciding to make her show a forum for the gay issue? How could she be so oot?  Rosie O'Donnell and Jane Fonda are starting a feminist radio network. Will it succeed? Absolutely not. Why? Because there is no need for such a network! This might have been a great idea back in the sixties. And Katie Couric? This was/is such a bad idea (oot ) only network executives could come up with it. Katie will have her own talk show in another year which will be a success. And Bill Clinton making concessions to the gays when he first took office was flabbergasted at the uproar (oot ) it caused. Success seems to foster this kind of elite attitude which is coupled with great feelings of superiority and decision making is often  based on profound arrogance. This is why we are so lucky to be living in a democracy.
A democracy is the only form of government where public figures are accountable to the people. And  in this age of "anything goes",  we must be even more vigilant to protect what we have
and to be involved in some capacity in the decision making process. We must arm ourselves with information and play  a part in the democratic process at some level. Thanksgiving is in a few days. Americans should be thankful for a country  that encourages freedom and we, as citizens, must never be oot!
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Please! Not O.J. Again!

Posted by Scribbler on Thursday, November 16, 2006 7:19:41 AM
Does anyone know who is sponsoring the O.J. horror show on Fox? They should hear from all who are sick of this man's disgusting attempt to remain in the spotlight!  Fox is broadcasting the interview on Nov. 27 and Nov. 29. They are, of course, skipping Nov. 28 so the topic will be a hot water cooler subject, generating more viewers for the Nov. 29th "show." Question: Would an innocent man write such a book? I rest my case. Despite all its happy talk about fairness and values, the price of the Fox soul comes cheap. If you've got the cabbage( apparently, Fox's favorite food ) the Fox commitment to values, honesty, and justice doesn't exist. Perhaps, the skunk would be a better logo. Fox and Friends  have taken time out from promoting "their" books to plug the O.J. story this morning. What's next?  Bill's book: " If I Did Have  Sex With That Girl..."   I will not watch or read such trash. I'm usually someone who loves detective and mystery shows. I'm currently writing a series of humorous detective stories for a local paper but the line must be drawn against the stupidity of Fox and the arrogance of O.J. Simpson.
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What Lurks Behind the Niqab?

Posted by Scribbler on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 7:03:37 AM
   There has been lots of flap recently in Britain  over a female teacher assistant who is a Muslim and wears the niqab, a full-faced black veil. All you can see are her eyes through a narrow slit. Are they twinkling, glowering, or sparkling? What kind of mood is she in?
The kids say she is hard to "read" and she was suspended. House of Commons Leader Jack Straw ( I love that name!) said the niqab makes community relations difficult.
  I sympathize with the kids. The whole body is needed to effectively communicate which is why we have body language experts. Kids need clues to determine mood which, in turn, determines what kind of day they will have. When I was a kid, you could tell by Mr. Tall's stomp what kind of day he was having and if Miss Darling ( we had another name for her ) wore brown--look out! There were other signs too.
Bad Mood:
1. clatter of false teeth
2. teacher wears strong perfume or shaving lotion
3. deep and frequent sighs
4. teacher wears recess whistle throughout the whole day
5. flared nostrils
6. lots of scratching
7. teacher reads travel brochures during our "busy work"
8. much "busy work"
9. teacher drinks lots of water
10.teacher takes many afternoon bathroom breaks
11. it's Monday
Good Mood:
1. teacher does lots of humming
2. little, tight smiles of understanding at the bad kids
3. teacher brings an extra apple for one of the poor kids
4. teacher gets off the subject to tell stories about when she was young
5.teacher cleans her own chalkboard
6. it's Friday
  You notice I have more bad days than good days but that's just the way it was back then or the way it seemed to be. These mood indicators were collected over many elementary school days and the research  came at the price of losing  recess privileges and the occasional ruler on the knuckles. But I did learn! With the niqab, I'm not so sure!
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To The Veterans

Posted by Scribbler on Friday, November 10, 2006 1:44:28 PM
They called it "The War to End All Wars" but it wasn't.
You were our Yankee Doodle Boys going off
To fight in the trenches along the Somme,
To fight the Albatross and the Fokker
Over the sunny skies of France.
You won the war and made the world
Safe for Democracy
Only it wasn't.

Less than another generation later,
A new tyrant proclaimed
Another idea,
A better way to live.
It was a new enemy wearing the same
Uniform of oppression and hate.
So, you ( women too ) donned the khaki and blue
And hummed Glenn Miller tunes while
You took the enemy's number at Midway and Normandy,
And said, "Nuts!" in the cold snows of Belgium.

But there would be no long, quiet days
Of rest and relaxation for you to raise a family
and celebrate the peace your struggle had won.

Soon there would be Incheon and MiG Alley and
Heartbreak Ridge where you were given conditions,
Restrictions on how to conduct the fight.
But a nation growing weak of heart and spirit
Didn't want to be reminded of the evil in men's souls,
So they turned their face away from the battles you were fighting.

In Vietnam, you again served to check the spread of conquest
And you fell in those awful rice paddies and bled
in a place called Hamburger Hill.
The Tet Offensive caught you off guard
But you recovered and drove them back.
You won the battle but we didn't know    
Because we listened to craven man who took pictures
And spoke on television
Their betrayal as truth.
( We thought they were on your side! )
Forgive us for believing such
Traitor talk.

And now, again in the prime of life, you're off to
Fight a new enemy. One who deals in terror and bombs.
(The coward's way to fight.)
You have entered his lair and brought him to heel
And we thank you and pray we will be worthy of your sacrifice.

We say thank you and you smile but behind your eyes, we know
That you know, we don't know.
And so we go our way never knowing how the agony comes back
In dreams and you relive a time that can never really be shared.
But we do know we are free because of you.
We do know our nursing homes are filled with heroes.
We do know our thanks are sincere, not hidden in a politician's smirk.
We do know you have forever defined hero.
We do know our earnest prayers are with you always.
And
We do know you have made us proud...
Oh, so very proud.




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Overheard At The "Meet, Greet, And Eat" Cafe.

Posted by Scribbler on Thursday, November 09, 2006 8:04:27 AM
 *  Table#2 "We'll know where Osama bin Laden is when we find the cave with a Pelosi pinup."
*  Table#4 " We are in a mess! One party got what they deserved and the other doesn't have a clue on what to do!"
*  Counter Stool*6  "At least the Democrats have a heart! They're so concerned about the illegals crossing that dangerous border, they're sending Mexico 500 catapults."
* Table#7  "They got two years to show us how dumb they are---and they will!"
*  Counter Stool#5  "It was a real Thanksgiving kind of election. The Democrats are doing the turkey trot, Republicans are dancing the mash potato minuet, and Osama is celebrating with the pumpkin polka!"
*  Waitress Kay: " We got the guest worker program coming, amnesty, and a minimum wage increase. Customers are not entitled to entitlements  Next month, all breakfast specials go up a democrat dollar!"
*  Table#1 "I gotta go gather up all those campaign signs stuck in the ground. They make good kindling and it will seem like a few weeks and they'll all be back in the same hole...just like us!"
*  Waitress Molly: "Doesn't  anyone care that Britney and Kevin have split up?"
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The Scribbler's Toons

Posted by Scribbler on Wednesday, November 08, 2006 8:03:18 AM
*Scene: A male servant is on the phone. In the background, Nancy Pelosi is squatting on a rug in the yogi position, channeling. There are incense candles burning, a ouija board is on the table, and behind her there are three ghostly figures. They are labeled Lenin, Timothy O' Leary, and Dr. Kinsey.
Servant: "She can't come to the phone. She's working on her 'We are ready to govern' speech."
*Scene: It's Teddy  Kennedy's mansion. We are outside and can see through a window lots of fat, balding men celebrating. There are dancing girls, party hats, and balloons. At the door, John Kerry is waiting. He holds three bottles of wine. Teresa is at his side with three bottles of ketchup.
Servant: "Hopefully, you'll be invited in...sometime...perhaps, in January 2008."
Scene: Inside a hospital where a doctor stands between two beds. A nurse looks on. In one bed is a lady and in the other, a donkey. The donkey is labeled "Democratic Party" and the lady has the name "Riva" written on her pillow in flowery letters.
Nurse: I got a heartbeat out of Riva on Monday and Tuesday was a good day for the donkey."
Note: Riva is a longtime ( about 100 years )  "soap" character on "Guiding Light" and is close to death.
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KERRY-TOONS

Posted by Scribbler on Friday, November 03, 2006 12:18:20 PM
* Scene: Kerry is addressing a crowd. He is wearing a large cowboy hat, a buckskin jacket, and has a badge on the jacket that say "Eat Natural."
KERRY: I've already told you our soldiers are dumb but their chaplains are even dumber! The priests have flunked Latin, the preachers flunked the Book of Revelations, and the rabbis have flunked accounting!"
MAN to friend: "I guess the Don Imus outfit doesn't help much."
* Scene: Kerry is addressing a crowd. He is wearing a KKK sheet. Pies, bananas, and other globs of garbage are being hurled at him.
KERRY: "Since I'm in the South, I thought I'd dress appropriately. Have you heard the one about the escaped slave and the farmer's daughter?"
MAN to friend: "At least he's got a sheet to wipe off his reviews."
* Scene: A very nervous man is standing before St. Peter in heaven.
St. Peter "They tell me you wrote jokes for John Kerry! Well, hell is too good for you and they won't have you in purgatory. I have no choice but to sentence you to 500 years in the Henny Youngman 'Take My Wife, Please, School of Comedy Writing'"

I do apologize for all the Kerry jokes but he is such an easy target !!!

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Maine's Dead Zone is Alive and Well

Posted by Scribbler on Thursday, November 02, 2006 11:37:07 AM
  Animals are making the headlines up here in Maine.  Dead Animals. I don't know how safe our borders are but federal agents are making sure that animals that fly, swim, and creep are being watched over with an eagle eye. It's not the tale of the Walrus and the Carpenter but it's the saga of the walrus, gull, and carp. It seems a tourist squealed on the owner of Cappy's Chowder House in Camden  ( Maine's prettiest town ) saying she had a stuffed sea gull encased in an ancient frame that dates the gull to about 1855. This is in violation of a 1918 law protecting gulls. It seems the bird was purchased at a real estate auction and for twenty years has been at the restaurant listening to tourist tales and fishermen's stories with no complaint. Recently, federal agents disguised as hunters ( camouflage gear and all ) paid a call and reminded the owner, Johanna Tutone, that she was breaking the law. The penalty: $500 fine and six months in jail.  It's believed the same agents rode up Boothbay Harbor to talk to the owner of a clothing store who had a walrus skull on display. The skull was caught in a fishing net around 1980 when he was fishing off the coast of Alaska. Poor guy didn't know he was breaking the Marine Mammal Protection Act. This ,of course, is great news for animal lovers and for Olympia Snowe who is making headlines representing these two dastardly villains. It seems the gull will wind up in a museum while the walrus skull is in evidence storage somewhere waiting to be discovered in about fifty years when cold case detectives will try to determine what it is and who killed it. We also have a foot-long carp being shown at a Freeport eatery. It's called a koi and is to be tagged with a microchip ( I kid you not ) so agents will know at all times where it's carping. The worry is the koi might be released and scare our natural trout and bass. And you thought the Theater Of The Absurd was as dead as a clam!
  Gorilla Theater is thriving up here too. You may have read the story of the lawyer dressing up as Osama bin Laden and carrying  (Kerrying ?) a sign that said "I love the Taliban." He was trying to make a point ( he did:stupidity ) about TABOR and you are right--he's another Democratic jokster! He actually said he intended to dress as George Washington but the mask was too tight. The teeth probably didn't fit either. 
  Today we  learned that the firm that has been making the pink flamingo is closing. When they die out, how will we measure snowfall ? ( "My flamingo was under a foot of snow ). And give directions ? ( "It's next to the house with all those pink flamingos."). And  protect our kids ?( "Don't go near the road and keep the flamingo on your right!")
  If you plan to visit us next summer, be careful what you buy at flea markets and keep a lookout for fake flamingo fraud.  Also, keep the other eye on guys in camouflage outfits but don't be alarmed, they  are only here doing their duty--guarding our gulls, caring for carp, and watching the walrus.
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Kerry-isms

Posted by Scribbler on Wednesday, November 01, 2006 10:52:09 AM
1. " I apologize for saying the troops are dumb. Remember they voted against me 3 to 1.".
2." Right after I quit smoking cigarettes, I went outside to celebrate with a Camel."
3. " Remember if you are smart and go to the right schools, you may wind up marrying an heiress too."
4. " I may run in 2008 after I finish crawling in 2006.
5, " I apologize for all the stupid things I've said ...and will say in the future."
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